Halfblood Witch

August 25, 1990
Lives in
London, UK
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Last Active: Yesterday at 05:23 pm
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neutral monism.
She almost doesn't remember the time in which she had thought things were easy. She spent a simple and nice childhood with a normal family as the oldest daughter. Well, it probably never would be really easy as she was the eldest, but it was fun for her to look after her younger siblings, a brother and a sister.
She was a curious kid, however, and asked way too much and fast. She didn't think actively about a possible answer before asking, she simply wanted to ask the question. Her parents almost weren't able to bear with all these questions and actually were quite lucky to send her to school. They both weren't academics in any way and quite content with the little knowledge they had about their important things.
She quickly made friends in school with a bubbly, curious and slightly clumsy personality. She had a kind of follower attitude back then, hang around with the cool kids most of the time, she was only alone in the library she visited occasionally. She loved reading, but mainly did it during the night while everyone was having their beauty sleep.
Even though artistry was highly valued in Beauxbatons, she just wasn't able to come up with it at the same level as the others. She was pretty, but her appearance was not as shiny as the one of her friends. Starting to feel uncomfortable as the admiration slowly faded, she wondered what was the special ability of her. And then she wondered if there was anything beyond what could be seen.
She read a lot of books about philosophy, old and new textes, and slowly started to become obsessed with it. Uncounsciously, she had found the thing she was good at and didn't realise it: Asking questions. Going to where nobody would even consider going, only to find something close to the truth.
She had a special interest for the mind-body problem. What was the soul, in the very end, and what was the body?

The questions didn't get out of her head and she was determined to find an answer to it. Actually, her attempt to become a healer and doctor was made out of this selfish reason. Not because she wanted to help people at that time; only because she wanted to have the opportunity to get familiar with the human body.
She graduated with a splendid report and started the studies to become a healer immediately. During the studies, she didn't really go out or did anything besides learning, focusing on philosophical theories and the studies of the human and non-human body. There were some times she was about to break the law just in order to get to know more about the things she wanted to know. But she still had some friends who held her back, settling her down in reality.
Her search for the very place where the soul should reside in the body was futile. She didn't find anything after hours of dedicated study, neither with magical nor ordi-methods.
One night more and she simply gave up. She hadn't found anything, but it didn't depress her as much as her friends had expected. She was determined to contine on, finished her studies, became a healer.
She accepted a job offer in a small hospital somewhere in Belgium. It was quite a change from France and she hadn't been able to understand the people because of their accent at first, but she slowly arranged herself with it.

property dualism.
She was now about twenty-three years old. All her attempts to find the "thing" behind the human soul failed. She focused on work, there always was something to do in a hospital, even in a small one. However, only after a few months, the thought came again into her head.
There had to be something more, right? She slightly started her abadoned studies again. Looking up, thinking about other possible theories, their advantages and disadvantages, criticisms and convincing arguments. She couldn't get quite comfortable with the theory that they were some kind of "thinking matter" - body and soul still would have to be some kind of... seperated, right?
At least this was what she secretly wished for. She sometimes felt like a prisoner in her own body, being forced to do breaks because she was tired, being forced to eat.
There had to be more than that.

substance dualism.
It was during this time that she found articles about astral projections. Getting actual books about it was even more difficult, but she had some help from a close friend who was a bookstore owner. After months of searching while she still was working in the hospital, she finally managed to find some "useful" books.
Nobody really knew anything sure about it. Astral projection was incredibly difficult to learn and not many would even think about it. Where was the use? Getting seperated from their body scared many people, but not Odile. She wanted feeling free finally.
Everyone told her that it would be difficult, that she was insane and out of her mind. She only answered that it wasn't the case quite yet while going on. However, despite her obsession with the mind-body problem, she came to realise something else.
She enjoyed being a healer.
She shouldn't be surprised by this, but she actually was because the healing profession only had been a way to satisfy her inexhaustible thirst for knowledge. But now, she was enjoying the smiles given to her, all the work she could do to improve another person's life with a wink of her wand. It seemed like magic itself to her, having spent a youth of following, asking and being scolded for asking too much. Now she was in contact with people who demanded little.
Of course, this had been present the whole time, but if something's not noticed, it could just be dead or never born as well. And this realisation, almost an epiphany, actually surprised her wholeheartedly.
However, she still didn't feel quite suitable for the society. She simply wasn't able to give up asking. She almost drowned herself once again into the try of doing astral projection, but failed and failed. She screamed in the basement, went climbing mountains to let steam off, fell from the sky secured by a rope only. The more she got into astral projection and the possible ways to do it, the more she wanted to prove herself that she was alive.
And then, te one thing she shouldn't do, but she was tempted enough. She took some poisons, drugs, medicines. Maybe it would help her jumping out of her body, but it surely made her jumping out of her everyday life.
For a whole while, she wasn't able to work or to even live something close to a life at all. Again, she only surved because she had anchors in the society who were completely sane and down to earth, unlike herself. She seemed to have experienced everything within a few months, from deep pain to fake joy, but life itself was more than this.
And in the very end, even this didn't seem to have the desired effect. She had gone so far, would she even be able to stop someday?
The answer was 'no'. People had managed to do this, and the very last person who would fail at this would certainly be her. She had some problems getting into an arranged life, not haunted by paranoia and similiar illusions. The only reason why she was even able to stay the least sane and alive was a special person who had decided to move into her apartment during her critical phase.
Being watched now, she stuck to the books and meditations. She spent hours in tense concentration, slowly managing not to get distracted by anything physical. She focused on her mind, her thoughts, made them the only thing.
Thoughts just existed. Floating somewhere in the space. Maybe not even inside her head. But somehow, they still were able to appear as if they were in her head, but no matter where her mind was - she would carefully drag them out of this place.
Disconnect mind and body.
She didn't know why it suddenly happened. Why it suddenly worked. A dangerous calm came over her as she saw her own body, moments before full of concentration, now having lost every tension. She felt free.
For the first time, she actually felt free for short moments. Realising that she still was a prisoner in her own body, the first thing she felt was pain from the impact with the floor and the face of this special person, worried all over.
Unwittingly, she realised that there would always be one reason for her to come back to earth in the very end. She continued practicing her abilites, otherwise she wouldn't be able to fulfill the promise she had spilled out at the end of her first astral projection.
Her life got a lot more rest now, apart from the incidents during sleep in which she simply lose herself once again and quit her body. They moved to London, too, as she was offered a place at St. Mungos actually. Despite the dark point of her life, the months lost due to poisons, her skills and knowledge about the human (and non-human) body were still quite helpful - and it was another way for her to research the mechanisms behind everything.
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